“𝘖𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘰𝘥, 𝘡𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘣! 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥?”
“𝘡𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘣, 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘰𝘳𝘤𝘦”
“𝘡𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘣, 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨”
First things first, I am very much married and plan on staying like that Alhamdullilah.
I received these messages on the day I removed my surname on Facebook and went back to my original name. I understand that it can be misleading but it shouldn’t be. Although it gave me 𝗣𝗿𝗶𝘆𝗮𝗻𝗸𝗮 𝗖𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗿𝗮 𝗩𝗶𝗯𝗲𝘀, how her removing ‘Jonas’ from her name was a big deal.
I was aware that taking a husband’s name is a patriarchal norm, but I didn’t know that it has no Islamic standing. I thought Islam encourages women to take their husband’s name which it doesn’t. That was my deciding reason and sat on it for a while because of the expected reaction. I changed my name but couldn’t resonate with it, So I changed it back, the big deal? Can’t a woman rectify or amend her calls?
I am not a romantic person. I am the one who’d laugh at an emotional scene and ruin it for everybody by making inappropriate jokes. Having said that, when I first got Engaged/Nikkahfied I was badly smitten. I have always liked my name, the fact that I don’t have a surname and I never thought I’d change it but I did after a few months of my marriage, totally out of love. No regrets there.
I could never foresee the shitstorm that comes with desi marriage, traumatizing customs and traditions. In our society, girls are discouraged from having an identity of their own so much that they are only recognized in relations with men, a daughter, a sister, a wife or a mother. A girl especially a 𝙗𝙖𝙝𝙪 is not her own person…
She’s a trophy 🏆 to be shown off
A finger puppet 🎭 who dances to the tune of gender roles
A numb blob 🎃 who fits into conservative social moulds.
That’s when I experienced a major 𝐈𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐂𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐬. Wherever I went I was narrowed down to Atif’s wife, my bills and receipts were addressed to Mrs Atif and from what I wear to what I say, my husband got the credit of empowering me.
I was told to wear heels 👠 because my husband is 6 feet.
I was told that my husband is fairer ⭐ than me.
I was told to help my husband with his M.Phil 👨🎓 assignments although I had a full-time job.
I was told that I am lucky 🧿 that I have a supportive husband who ‘LETS’ me be myself.
I was told how I’d be nothing without a man 👨 in my life.
My husband is my best friend, my confidante and an amazing human being yet these things affected me to an extent where I felt like dissociating with him on some grounds only to find myself back. These things are easily rejected as non-issues and I have been labelled as Overly sensitive a million times by a million people but this needs to be said and done.
I am here to give you the courage to hold your ground, know yourself and face the world.
We can’t pour from an empty cup, so here I am, filling mine and suggesting you do the same…
Written By admin On November 13th, 2022