โ๐๐ฉ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐จ๐ฐ๐ฅ, ๐ก๐ข๐ช๐ฏ๐ข๐ฃ! ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ฅ?โ
โ๐ก๐ข๐ช๐ฏ๐ข๐ฃ, ๐ ๐ข๐ฎ ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ณ๐ณ๐บ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ท๐ฐ๐ณ๐ค๐ฆโ
โ๐ก๐ข๐ช๐ฏ๐ข๐ฃ, ๐ช๐ตโ๐ด ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ด๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ๐ต๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฏ๐จโ
First things first, I am very much married and plan on staying like that Alhamdullilah.
I received these messages on the day I removed my surname on Facebook and went back to my original name. I understand that it can be misleading but it shouldnโt be. Although it gave me ๐ฃ๐ฟ๐ถ๐๐ฎ๐ป๐ธ๐ฎ ๐๐ต๐ผ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ฎ ๐ฉ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐, how her removing โJonasโ from her name was a big deal.
I was aware that taking a husbandโs name is a patriarchal norm, but I didnโt know that it has no Islamic standing. I thought Islam encourages women to take their husbandโs name which it doesnโt. That was my deciding reason and sat on it for a while because of the expected reaction. I changed my name but couldnโt resonate with it, So I changed it back, the big deal? Canโt a woman rectify or amend her calls?
I am not a romantic person. I am the one whoโd laugh at an emotional scene and ruin it for everybody by making inappropriate jokes. Having said that, when I first got Engaged/Nikkahfied I was badly smitten. I have always liked my name, the fact that I don’t have a surname and I never thought Iโd change it but I did after a few months of my marriage, totally out of love. No regrets there.
I could never foresee the shitstorm that comes with desi marriage, traumatizing customs and traditions. In our society, girls are discouraged from having an identity of their own so much that they are only recognized in relations with men, a daughter, a sister, a wife or a mother. A girl especially a ๐๐๐๐ช is not her own personโฆ
Sheโs a trophy ๐ to be shown off
A finger puppet ๐ญ who dances to the tune of gender roles
A numb blob ๐ who fits into conservative social moulds.
Thatโs when I experienced a major ๐๐๐๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐๐ซ๐ข๐ฌ๐ข๐ฌ. Wherever I went I was narrowed down to Atifโs wife, my bills and receipts were addressed to Mrs Atif and from what I wear to what I say, my husband got the credit of empowering me.
I was told to wear heels ๐ because my husband is 6 feet.
I was told that my husband is fairer โญ than me.
I was told to help my husband with his M.Phil ๐จ๐ assignments although I had a full-time job.
I was told that I am lucky ๐งฟ that I have a supportive husband who โLETSโ me be myself.
I was told how Iโd be nothing without a man ๐จ in my life.
My husband is my best friend, my confidante and an amazing human being yet these things affected me to an extent where I felt like dissociating with him on some grounds only to find myself back. These things are easily rejected as non-issues and I have been labelled as Overly sensitive a million times by a million people but this needs to be said and done.
I am here to give you the courage to hold your ground, know yourself and face the world.
We canโt pour from an empty cup, so here I am, filling mine and suggesting you do the sameโฆ
Written By admin On November 13th, 2022
